In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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