a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
