sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
