you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
