I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
