3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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