I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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