He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
