Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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