TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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