he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
