New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
