god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
