I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
