I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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