If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We need to get me chipped asap
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
