Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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