Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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