I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
