We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
