Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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