We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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