I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
