Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
