My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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