But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
