Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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