I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
a search helicopter?!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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