I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
