just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
