The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
