Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
