You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
