I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
