I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
