I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
