Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my liver is dry heaving
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
