I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
