Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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