The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
