the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
