She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
