non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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