OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
