not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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