I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
In America we eat man semen.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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