why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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