So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
