Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
