Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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