you have to choose: penises or morals?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
