my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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