just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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