Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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