Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
