how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
